Wonder Three

Why are we much more comfortable wishing and dreaming than doing? I wish it wasn't the case. 
I wish this would happen...
I dream of doing this...

So much of what we want out of our lives, seems so far out of reach. And we recognize that too often as defeat. If you want something, why only wish it could happen? Enact it. If you want something why only dream it? Attain it. We all know life is short. We feel it as the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years fly by. But it is ours, to make what we want of it. Being realistic is safe, however not a flaw.  Realizing your wishes and dreams can't come true at the rub of a lamp is, of course, reality.  But being able to know it can't happen over night, is one foot step on the venture to your wish or dream.

Wish upon a star...
Dream on...

Good night & day,
Jovana

Wonder Two

What's your sign? It may be the cheesiest pick up line in the history books, but to answer I'm a Gemini. The twins. I've often been told that means I have a split personality. I call it having an indecisive nature. Volleying back and forth on simple decisions like what to order at dinner to the difficult ones like what I want to be when I grow up. And everything in between. It could mean I'm more open minded than the non-Gemini. It could also mean I'm quite the dreamer. But I'm thinking being indecisive could mean, in some cases, the same as a split personality. Some people, I believe, confuse a person with a split personality to be a schizophrenic. Or simply psycho. That's not always the case. I also believe, almost everyone could be considered to have a split personality. They just don't know it or take note of it. It's the side of you, you can't control no matter how hard you try. The side run by emotions and feelings that conflict what you can control. My heart tells me this, my head tells me that. You, for the most part, can control your thoughts and what goes on in your brain. But your heart has its own agenda. Feelings and emotions are sneaky independents. Try as you might, but sometimes  you can't help what is going on with that side of you. You can be a smart woman or man and know in your mind that something isn't right for you; it's not what's best. But you feelings are shaking their heads and stomping their feet, giving you a difficult time. What I've learned is it's best to convince yourself you can't help your emotions, you can't help how you feel. You can't help what you're feeling. You can't help what you felt. Lets be honest, it isn't all that easy. Yet again, your mind is trying to convince you against your other side. It makes for complete mass confusion. We've all been there. And we all get through it. Admit it or not, we're all indecisive and split to a certain extent.

And whether or not you agree with me, what I'm saying is this... We, for the most part, are split. Our personalities are split, one ruled by mind, the other ruled by heart. One you can control and the other, well not so much.

Now should I wear jeans or a dress tomorrow? How will I ever decide?


Good night & day,
Jovana

Wonder One

I've always had issues getting a good nights rest. "Ever since you were a baby!" My mother has said numerous times after my complaints. Yet, I still haven't accepted the fact that I can't seem to acquire something so natural and necessary for humans. I lie in frustration night after night, knowing that it won't get me to sleep, but hoping it will. I've talked to doctors, therapists and even my psychology professorr from my first year of college. All gave out similar information and dignostics. Of course, nothing I hadn't heard before, but can't say I wasn't going to be unconvinced. I've been diagnosed with mild insomnia by doctors. In my case, I do sometimes sleep. But for short periods of time and it takes me a very long while to get there. Apparently, it is caused by what the therapist called "an overactive, creative wonder, that is your very own brain". The funny thing is, the therapist hardly knew me. The doctor doesn't know me, just the me displayed on her chart. My doctor's opinion was, well a doctor's opinion, taking medication. But I rather not become a dependant, pill popping sleeper. Now, my psychology professor didn't know me at all, I was 1 among some 400 students in his lecture hall. After a lecture on sleep, I was bubbling with questions. I presented him my personal problems and issues with sleep. He asked me a few simple questions regarding my personal life and what it came down to was that, I choose to let myself not sleep. What? Are you %#$@^&! kidding me? Thousands of dollars spent on my education, thousands of dollars spent on his education, and several degrees with his name on it, and all he has to say is I choose to not let myself sleep? It didn't occur to me until much later that maybe he was some what right. There are nights where I choose to let a bunch of thoughts bounce through my mind. But ultimately, I couldn't exactly tell you how to turn them off. A thought here and there turns into thinking of your fear of death and the next thing you know, your mind has lead you all the way to if Britney is free for lunch tomorrow. That's where my professor was "some what" right. I don't mind a thought or two. It after all could be interesting. But one thought wave after another? No wonder you can't sleep.

Although I want to be able to have a regular nights sleep on a regular basis, I've become content with my sleeping problems. Yes, I'm tired all the time and occasionally cranky. But I've learned I can accomplish so much before my brief bedtime. It is afterall, where I discoverd my passion for music, literature and writing. (See example, my blog). It is where I do my best thinking, writing, and hey, even cleaning. So maybe I'm content enough with it that I can learn to embrace it most of the time... (See quote at the top of my page).

Even though, mornings certaintly are not my thing. Another morning awaken with tiredness. Hence me embracing it most of the time.

Good night & day world.
-Jovana